SPLASH WINDOWS – WHY?
WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?
No, really, I mean this quite, quite seriously:
- OpenOffice / NeoOffice / StarOffice
…all of these applications – and several others – when you fire them up the first thing they do is take-over a rectangular box in the middle of your screen so that you cannot get on with your work, nor access the windows behind them.
The box generally gets filled with some manner of logo or other version information, and sits there whilst the application is chundering away, loading.
It may take some time to achieve this.
You can’t access the window it is covering, because the splash window hides it.
You can’t close the window, because there is no close button.
You can’t move it, because there is no drag bar.
You cannot bring other applications in front of the window, because the splash window floats on top.
You shout in vain: YES I KNOW I AM LOADING YOUR FSCKING APPLICATION YOU EGOTISTIC LITTLE GUI-WORSHIPING OPEN-SOURCE PRICKS! THAT’S WHY I PULLED DOWN THE BLOODY MENU TO LAUNCH IT! WHY NOT PISS OFF AND LET ME GET ON WITH MY WORK WHILE YOUR PROGRAM EATS INTO MY CORE MEMORY AND HANGS MY UNDERPOWERED LAPTOP? LISTEN TO MY HARD-DISK CHUGGING AS MY SYSTEM FIGHTS WITH MY COMPILER FOR I/O BANDWIDTH TO PAGE YOU IN! WHY ARE YOU DEPRIVING ME OF THE ABILITY TO EVEN READ MY OWN SCREEN IN THE MEANTIME? DO YOU WANT ME TO SOLELY DEDICATE MY MACHINE TO RUNNING YOUR PROGRAM? DO I REALLY NEED TO BUY A DIFFERENT MACHINE FOR EACH JOB THAT I DO? AM I NOT MEANT TO BE ABLE TO READ ANOTHER WINDOW WHILST LOADING YOUR MARVELOUS PROGRAM? IS YOUR SODDING APPLICATION REALLY SO TERRIFIC THAT YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DENY ME THE MULTITASKING ABILITY OF UNIX? IF I GET A MACHINE WITH TWO HEADS/DISPLAYS/VDUs, WILL YOU PUT A SPLASH WINDOW UP ON ALL OF THEM JUST TO MAKE SURE THAT I KNOW PRECISELY HOW INSECURE YOU ARE ABOUT YOUR ABILITY THAT YOU NEED TO SPLASH ALL OVER EVERYONE’S SCREENS?
Grrrrrrrrrr… two minutes of a grey box, eventually filled by “The GIMP” and a smiley fox-face, the latter lasting 30 seconds.
It drives you bonkers.
Maybe I should start a “Campaign for the Abolition of Application Splash Screens”.
If you’ld like to join-up, leave a comment below.